Thursday, June 3, 2010

Women: Uncensored

Ok, so usually I try to not be biased in my writing. I try to think of men and women as equal but different. I make sure I don't insult the good men out there and I try to be honest about women’s faults too.

But I was thinking.... I owe it to my girls to not hold back just one time and say how we really feel. So if you are a man who is interested and you happen to give two shits how we feel, please read on. However since in my experience, a man who truly cares about a woman's feelings is a mythological creature, it looks like it may just be us girls.

So guys, if you're still reading, give me a pass to man bash just this once. You yourself are the only one who will know if this applies to you, so don't take it personal. Ladies...I'm waiting for my high fives.

To you sorry low down dirty mafuckas - We are tired of the following:

Being cheated on, hit, lied to, left financially responsible for everything, used, choked, pushed, cursed/yelled at, made to feel unimportant, used as an option, given shitty birthdays, not being acknowledged/appreciated, playing along with your bullshit crazy plans, raising children by ourselves, etc.

We also don't like it when you get our cars towed, impounded, totalled, or just generally taken on a constant basis.

We are not fond of phone calls from whores, skanks, strippers, baby mamas, and even YOUR mama if she seems to have a problem. We are even less fond of finding the belongings of the afore mentioned females.

It is also not okay to give us the ole "dirty dick" (which is administered by having sexual relations with more than one female at a time). We prefer not to be introduced to your conquests by being told that they are your cousin. When I find out that I smiled in that snooty bitch's face out of respect for your family and it turns out you're hittin that... I'm gonna be on the news. The same rules pertain to your side bitch's things, we don't want to unknowingly see or use any of there stuff including but not limited to cars, jewelry, hair, bras, panties, shoes, and STD's. Thank you.

As a word of advice to you dumb fucks: if you're going to cheat, make it random, no one really cares about that. If you carried on a relationship though - please die before we find out.

Also, do NOT pursue a relationship with us if you are already in one. Stay with your wife/baby mama/girlfriend whatever. We don't want your fucking half ass left overs.

For you bitch made muthafuckas that have to flex on your woman through physical force - Karma is a bitch just like you and I promise life will find a way to hand your ass to you.

To the liars - Read the post before last, get your game up. Lying just to lie is only done to hide the fact that the truth isn't even worth mentioning. If you are so ashamed of yourself or your actions that you have to frequently lie then maybe you should take your life to another place before attempting a relationship.

To the lazy, selfish mafuckas that don't eat pussy or roll right off and go to sleep as soon as they bust - I hope you develop a condition that allows you to come deafeningly close, but never actually come. Be a man. Satisfy your woman if she satisfies you. Everybody wins.

To you creeps that get us pregnant and leave us. I hope someone removes your testicles…through your ass. And DO NOT come back when your so called children are grown and try to take credit for ANYTHING good about that child. You didn’t do that you piece of shit, his mother did.

And for the few of you bastards who have a woman who has stuck by your disgusting unworthy ass through one or more of these atrocities - YOU ARE NOT SLICK. You are lucky. Your woman is either completely stupid, or just a really good woman. Maybe SHE doesn't even know which, but I guarantee you that regardless of which it is, you don't deserve her.

Yes, as women it is our duty to respect and even obey our men. God put us here to care for them and help them reach their goals and kind of be their "assistants" in life if you will - but Eve was made from Adam's rib to stand by his side, not from his ankle to be at his feet.

Behind every bitch there is a man that made her that way. I swear that saying is sooo true!! If you are put down, stomped on, held back, abused, hurt or mistreated enough times you will be forced to change as a defense mechanism. One true test of how strong a woman is (I think) is measured by how much of the above mentioned bullshit she can endure without letting it change her character.

So when do we get to flip?? When do we get to get mad and fight back? When do we get to crush your feelings, your livelihoods, your balls and your self worth? I'm guessing never...but posting this did make me feel a little bit better.

*Special thanks to the women who volunteered their misfortunes to be part of this post.