Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Chicken Headz

We see 'em on Myspace, Twitter & Facebook on a daily. They are all over the TV and radio and damn near every song is about some skank ass girl. It seems men aren't even interested in a good old fashioned woman anymore.

Ok, let me be the first to admit, almost every "lady", myself included, didn't start out that way. Everybody had their wild times in their younger days. Ladies if you're single - do you! Bone who you want, date who you want, wear what you want and so on. There is not a thing wrong with a woman owning her sexuality. There is however, a fine line to be crossed before you're just a straight up hoodrat.

If you answer yes to 2 or more questions on the following check list you my friend, are a skallywag. Please promptly go home and douche, put some pants on that don't expose your thong, brush the jizz outchya teeth and abstain from sexual activity until all your test results come back negative.

1)You have half naked pics of yourself (or any questionable pics) posted on ANY social networking site.

2)You have had sex with more than 2 different men in the last month.

3)You have more than 2 baby daddies.

4)You are currently or have recently boned a man that you know has a woman.

5)When a guy tries to holla at you your first question is "Where the weed at?".

6)Your biggest source of income is child support.

7)You refer to yourself as a "barbie" or a "5 star chick".

8)You have hooked up with ANYONE you met on a social networking site.

9)You have EVER done the splits in public.

10)You have to take your shoes off to count the number of dicks you've sucked and still can't total it.

And there it is ladies...please tally your scores. Remeber, you are entilted to a slip up or maybe even two. Anymore than that - sorry you're a Chicken Head. You have too many hoe tendancies to ever be someones housewife.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Why Do They Write These Songs?

Listening to Ginuwine's "Last Chance" it crosses my mind - Why the hell do they write these songs?? My favorite songs, and probably some of yours, too, are all melodramatic emotional ballads. Why do they make women think (and maybe sometimes men too)that these things can happen? Does it ever happen?

It's like the old fairy tale syndrome so many women have. We're all waiting for our knight in shining armor to be Captain-Save-a-Hoe and come sweep us off our feet to live happily ever after. It doesn't work like that. Perpetuating this myth is hurtful and disappointing to women and I don't think it's fair to men either. How do they live up to that?

Most men just want regular food, sex and silence. So how does the average guy compete with women's ideas of what a "real man" is supposed to do?? IDK. That part is not really my problem, (hey, we have to compete with the strippers & video chicks so fuck you) but I know that as women we sweetly torture ourselves by listening to this garbage.

Am I a cynical bitch for thinking men write these songs to string us along? Is it wrong for me to think that's not how real love works? Or is life what you make it? Maybe we have a choice. If you choose wisely you too can have a jewelry commercial happen to you in real life. Mmmm. Probably not, because ladies, lets be honest: the ones who want to give us the jewelry commercial are the ones we "just wanna be friends" with.

So in conclusion, maybe it's not the songs. Maybe it's not the writers. Maybe it's the listeners. Could be, but in the meantime I will be happy to put myself through emotional torture.

"If this is my last chance to love you
I'm gonna play it like a grown man ought to
If I only got one shot to win you
Then call me Jordan 4th quarter in '92"

Sing it Ginuwine... and I will just keep believing that one day it can happen for me, too. One day my regular guy will turn into my Knight In Shining Armor. At least until the song is over.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Read My Blog!!

So here it is - my first attempt at a blog, or anything written for the public to see. I have never read a blog for more than about 30 seconds. Mine may suck bad, but I figure, I have lots of opinions and thoughts and....stuff. So a blog is what I need, right? A place where I can let all these thoughts pour out into text and if people agree they can say "Yeah! This chick knows what she's talkin' about" and if they don't they can be like "Eff off lady, you suck!".

Anyways, I'm a young, opinionated single-mother-girlfriend-daughter-friend-sister-drinker-smoker-badass-shit-talker with a boring ass office job. So I hit lots of demographics I think. I have lots to rant and rave about from deep philisophical shit to the condition of the bathrooms at work. In fact, one of my followers on Twitter had this to say when I said I wanted to start a blog:

If "past" wasn't spelled incorrectly I might have been a little more hurt by this, but I love honesty - and even more than honesty, I love humor.

With that said, I will leave you with this:
Maybe they will want to read about my starfish @MattySlims, maybe they will.
Now I have to go think of something to blog about tomorrow.