Yep, you know her, or at least you are familiar with her work. She’s that bitch that ruined that rare gem of a good man for the rest of us. She made him feel so stupid or so small (no double meaning intended) that he decided he will never again put himself in a position to feel that heartache or embarrassment and then poof! He morphed into an asshole.
We all know the ways to spot an asshole – Mr. I’m-going-to-use-you-for-sex-and-not-call-you-any-other-time, Mr. I-have-more-kids-than-toes-and-don’t-take-care-of-none-of-them (kids OR toes yo), Mr. I’m-scared-of-commitment-because-I-might-wanna-fuck-someone-else, Mr. Say-I-love-you-when-I’m-drunk-and-act-like-it-never-happened – I could go on forever. So instead of taking the obvious route and male bashing (which I am usually dead set against) we are going to go straight to the root of the problem and talk about ways to spot “that bitch”.
Women have been bringing men down since the beginning of time. Eve tricked her husband into eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and there it was, the tone was set for a woman’s dark side to be sneaky and deceptive in nature. Men always say they want a woman just like their mama, but let’s re-think this – your mama might be “that bitch” in which case, do the opposite. Take a look at the woman you’re with and see if she’s too much of the following:
That bitch comes in many shapes and sizes but you can usually tell her by her long relationship rap sheet. She has more exes than underwear and changes them just as frequently. She is usually the type of woman who is never “alone” for more than a month or two. She might also tend to build her own personality based on her current man’s interests and beliefs. She may have an extensive history of “homie hoppin” or over lapping sexual relationships that will cause you turmoil. She is usually also the type of girl who will start a fight with a big ass dude and then say “My boyfriend is gonna kick your ass!!!”.
In most cases that bitch will be so gorgeous that your penis will not care about the substance of her character. Your penis will tell you that just because she didn’t answer her phone all night on Friday doesn’t mean that was her spotted leaving the club with ole boy. Your penis will tell you that she loves only you and is as virtuous as Mother Theresa….until she uses you up and disposes of you when a more lucrative opportunity arises.
That bitch is also usually a bit high maintenance, her selfish nature will probably be obvious to everyone but you. She might even change into something resembling a respectable woman, but I promise you, after a few years of marriage, her simple bitch tendencies will rear their ugly head again. So, before you even get that far, run your lady down the following check list. If you check more than one of these things off the list – Get rid of her, yesterday.
1) This broad has at any point, no matter how far in the past, been romantically linked to any of your friends or family members.
2) She currently has a significant other. Even if he's in jail...she's bad news.
3) She's under 25 and has more than 1 baby daddy or over 25 and has more than 2.
4) She is currently employed as a stripper.
5) She has had a previous boyfriend put in jail - for ANY reason.
6) She cannot count her ex boyfriends on one hand (2 if she's over 35).
7) She brings you around her child(ren) right away, and they dont even seem weirded out by their mom with some guy.
8) She has more than 4 girlfriends that she claims to be close with.
9) She automatically expects you to spend money on her.
10) Your mom hates her and has a valid reason for it.
If any part of this was not clear please refer to December's "Chickenheadz" post.
•Special thanks to Miss Nailah Summers AKA @gnarleybynature for suggesting this topic. #skreefasquad. Yes, I just hashtagged in my blog.
Yes!!! ANOTHER WINNER!!! I would have never thought I'd see a woman speak on this.. FREAKIN AWESOME!! in so many ways and on so many levels!!!
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