Friday, March 26, 2010


You like pussy right guys? And you wanna tell yourself that pussy likes you too, but let's be honest: Some of you are just unfuckable.

I've composed a list of losery qualities to help you become more fuckable. Avoid these things at all costs. Especially you douche bags that think you have it all together. Maybe you have a long term girl or you rely on parking lot pimpin after the club to get you laid, but that don't make you Casanova. Face it - you need the most help of all...

Don't Be Creepy.
Only approach women that you're catching that certain vibe from, because anyone else is grossed out by your advances.
Don't come off sleazy or overtly sexual, it's NOT sexy, I promise.
Don't use lame lines or "Where your man at?" as an ice breaker. Instead try just a simple "How you doin?" (NOT a Joey "how YOOOOUU doin"!!) or maybe a friendly compliment "Wow, you have pretty eyes, but you probably hear that all the time". Make your point without coming on too strong. Stalkers: you are in this category.

Don't Be Conceited
I can't stress this enough. If you're in love with yourself, then clearly you don't need our admiration. I don't wanna hear about all the celebrities you've met or how much money you make or how you killed a shark with your bare hands. And for GAWDSAKE!! DO NOT brag about your skills in the bed until I let you prove it! Be at least somewhat modest and humble about your good qualities. They will show all on their own.

Don't Be a Liar
Don't tell me you have one kid and you have three. Don't lie about your name or the fact that you still live with your mom, or your criminal record or marital status, etc. DON'T LIE!!!
I know it seems easy or like the smart thing to do, especially if you just wanna hit it, but I promise you...A) If I'm just boning you, I don't care and B)If you're just boning me and I'm starting to care, you need to drop me anyway because it's about to get messy.
A simple "none of your business" is 10 times better than a lie that comes to light later. Especially if you mess with a tellin' ass bitch and then piss her off. Not smart.

Don't Dress Like a Douche Bag
Ok, Ok, I know it's not a job interview, but if you look like a joke - you WILL be laughed at. Every woman, I'm sure, has certain things that just won't be tolerated. As you know, my thing is skinny jeans. If a dude wearing pants tighter than mine ever in his life tried to approach me, it would take my whole being not to crack on him until he cried.
Other items include mandals, gelmets, sunglasses in the club, too much jewelry, lines shaved in your eye brows or over arching, fauxhawks or brohawks, any form of man bag. I could go on for days.
There are very FEW exceptions, if your style is your style and you can put your own spin on it and rock it with confidence - then hey, be my guest.

Don't Name Your Dick
If you have a name for your member, that's best kept to yourself until we've reached a point that I think that's funny and not disturbing. In the beginning I don't wanna be introduced to your dick in the third person. It's weird.

Don't Be Cheap
This doesn't mean you have to be rich, or spend a lot of money. This just means, don't be a tight ass. It's fine if we do cheap or free activities together, no big deal. But you damn sure better offer to pay if there's money involved. Because if we continue to be together you best believe I will be spending money on you too. It's just not manly to be cheap. I can buy my own drinks and pay for my own shit, but what do I need a man around for that ain't gonna do nice things for me? Be more considerate than that. I don't care if you buy me a tall can and we sit in the car and just share each other's company. It's the act, not the price.

Don't Be a Flake
If you have something better to do than hang out with me, I could give two shits - but don't make plans with me and then flake out. Especially when nine times out of ten YOU called ME to kick it. Nothing says asshole like being super late or super flakey. Believe me, another man wants my time so if you don't - besta keep it pushin.

Don't Be Whiteboy Wasted
...even if you're a whiteboy. It's unattractive. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE to party, but nothing says bitch made like a man who can't handle his liquor or weed. If you're a light weight, watch it. I will clean your puke later on in the relationship if we make it that far, but I assure you we won't if you're staggering all over the place the first night.

Don't Piss on the Toilet Seat
If you wanna leave it up, fine, but don't make the asshole move and let me sit in piss. Or anything else disgusting involving your bodily functions. I have a friend who actually went to the restroom in a guys apartment only to find a chunk of poo on his toilet seat. She was then faced with the dilemma of calling him on it or cleaning it herself so he wouldn't think it was her. The fucken corker is that he was a plumber!!! Needless to say, that was the last time she saw him. Dan the plumber - if you're reading this, you're a nasty mahfucka and you oughta be ashamed of yourself!!

Don't Be an Asshole
If you treat wait staff or random people in public like shit. I'm gone. Don't say mean things to or about people until I know you well enough to determine whether that's your humor or you're just a dick.

Don't get me wrong, if you're cool with just bangin sluts and disrespecting yourself and the ladies that let you put it in 'em, you go right on ahead getting laid whatever way works for you. However, if you would like to increase the quality or quantity of your vagina usage, you're gonna need to take my advice.

Anything on the above list is just unacceptable.

Please feel free to leave your thoughts and comments. Ladies I know you're dying to elaborate on the subject. Fellas, feel free to add your two cents too.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I Pledge Allegiance To The Flag??

Ha! You thought I was all about bad boys and starfish and drankin-smokin-straight- West-Coastin, didn't you??

Well today I want to talk about something a little more serious:

The Pledge of Allegiance

Ever since I was little it bothered me that I had to recite the pledge. No one ever sat down and explained what it meant, or why we say it - even in private school. It was just expected that day in, day out everyone lined up like zombies and recited these sacred words. What bullshit.

By the time I realized that legally, my school could not make me say it, it was so ingrained in me that I usually still said it anyway. That sparked a whole 'nother thought in my mind which as an adult would come to be this: Why would I want to say something that I didn't mean and more importantly - if it was something I should mean, then why did the government have to jam it down my throat since I was five?

I have told my son since he started school that he did not have to say the pledge. In fact, I preferred if he didn't. Now in third grade, it came up in the car this morning. He said that he usually doesn't say it, except when the teacher looks at him because he doesn't want to get "busted".

Of course I flipped. I went into the whole "You stand up for what you believe in" and "If your teacher don't like it she can kiss my ass" lecture. I thought I had made it clear before, but understandably, when you're told to do something every day and everyone else does it too, it's easy to conform.

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

In order to truly be for or against reciting this pledge we must first take a look at what it means.

"I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
and to the republic for which it stands.
One nation, under God, indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all."

Merriam-Webster has several definitions for the word "allegiance". One of which is "the fidelity owed by a subject or citizen to a sovereign or government" and another of which is "devotion or loyalty to a person, group, or cause".

So now that we understand the meaning of what we're pledging, let's take a look at what we're pledging it to - "the REPUBLIC" for which the flag stands. The most appropriate and complete definition listed for "republic" is "a government in which supreme power resides in a body of citizens entitled to vote and is exercised by elected officers and representatives responsible to them and governing according to law".

The government. That's what it all boils down to. Why would a kindergartner (or a high school student for that matter) need to pledge their allegiance to the government?

Now the rest of it - that's beautiful, but it's contradictory, naive, and just plain not true:

"One nation under God" we are not, because we are supposed to have religious freedom. Although I personally have a strong faith in God, separation of church and state is what this country was supposedly founded on.

"Indivisible" we clearly are not, evident by the Civil War within this country from 1861-1865. The pledge was written in 1892, a time when our country was probably more so divided than ever. Not to mention, today our government wants to keep us divided and pitted against each other. It takes the focus off of what's really going down.

And I think we know that "liberty and justice for all" is a bold faced lie. It would take me 100 more blog posts to discuss the fallacies of that statement - from racism, sexism, our corrupt justice and welfare systems and the countless other atrocities our government has committed against it's own people.

COMMON SENSE tells me that our esteemed leaders have been lying to me and programming me to believe those lies since I was a child and it all started with the Pledge of Allegiance. THAT is why I had the discussion I did with my son. It's NOT OK to program people. We're NOT supposed to be robots.

It made me realize that maybe I need to be more educated about politics and what goes on in our government - what they want you to know and what they don't. How am I supposed to show him he should be different if I can't articulate to him why he should be different?

Fuck that pledge though.

* I encourage anyone with an opinion about the subject to leave their thoughts and comments. This type of post is definitely new and different for me, so also let me know how you liked it (or didn't). Thanks!!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Depths of a Thug by Warchild - 3rd Entry

Pussy Crooks

Who are these pussy crooks?
They are the boyfriends and baby daddies that shack up with a woman and play house - get the woman knocked up - or just end up being with her for years - beat the pussy up - knock the lining out that pussy - wear her down - cock block on another man - but will NEVER marry her ass.

Watch out ladies, he's wanted dead or alive by women across America. He's extorting the pussy....he's the Pussy Crook.

C'mon, walk with me...

Does he buy you a ring and say this is a promise or commitment ring? Some crooks might go so far as to say it's an actual engagement ring, call you his wifey, he's #1. Some will buy you whatever they can afford, but never walk your ass down that aisle or give you that last name. Beware: these Pussy Crooks steal the pussy and hold it hostage!

The drama of a crook being with a woman playing house but never marrying her is far more common than most women probably know. While marriage is not a top priority for some women, most women dream of getting married and it's their man saying HELL NAW, not now.

Most of these crooks add insult to injury by eventually leaving that long term relationship with you or the mother of their child and marrying some other woman they barely know. Stepping off and making the next broad an honest woman is a hurtful, but not the real issue.

The real issue is - Why don't they marry the woman that's been down for years or the woman who brought life to their seeds? Why are these crooks content with just playing house??

The effect it has on women is immeasurable. Most women equate marriage to self esteem. Having a husband for her gives her a sense of worthiness and value. Just the word "husband" and being able to say they have one gives a woman a sense of superiority. And the actual wedding - ladies know - they want to invite everyone they know, even if they don't like them, just so they can watch them get married and show that - yes, they are worthy. Even if they went through hell and back to make it happen. Women believe that if a man doesn't marry her there is something wrong with her.

Part of that reason is because a man that doesn't wanna marry you, but doesn't wanna lose you will focus on all your negative traits, past mistakes and plain ole dumb shit sometimes to support his position of stalling so that the woman begins to believe that she is not worthy of marriage. All the while these crooks enjoy her good qualities and comforts of her playing wifey. He has all the benefits and none of the commitment.

The painful reality for most is that once a man sees a flaw in you he may never marry you. He will always think he can do better. That the grass is greener on the other side.

A crook doesn't even have to have another woman in mind to assume the grass is greener somewhere else. When women meet a man that they develop feelings for and think he may be the one they GIVE UP THE PUSSY, move in with him and start playing wifey without the commitment. Cooking, cleaning, washing his draw's, dealing with his mama, putting up with his friends (ole crazy mahfuckas) - all in hopes of getting that ring and even more importantly - being his REAL wife.

No matter what some women do, there are certain men, crooks to the heart, who are just NEVER going to commit and will always have an excuse. With this crook, it doesn't matter how well you perform fellatio, that you put up with his bitchy mother, deal with all his other kids, get freaky in bed, run the house, help him with is business, turn a blind eye to his cheating, drug abuse or physical abuse - he will NEVER MARRY YOU - he's a CROOK, You could have wings on your back and an endorsement from Jehovah Himself and he will think he can do better, or that there is no benefit to that level of commitment.

Don't get it twisted ladies, the ones that don't wanna get married will tell you from the get go. Some will repeat it daily. The ones that don't tell ya'll give you clues like cheating, never setting a wedding date, or just never discussing it at all.

There are men out there that are looking for what you are too. When you find you the one that is it for you it is BLISS, but don't be afraid to say this ain't it. There is no crime in letting go of something that isn't working for you.

Finally, don't blame your man 100% for your situation - ultimately, you stayed because YOU wanted to. A Pussy Crook can only get away with what you allow. So at the end of the day, he may be stringing you along but you gave him the rope.

So beware of those Pussy Crooks!! And stay lovin those Thugs!!

This was inspired by the Pussy Crooks I know personally and this is dedicated to my 9 year old daughter Aaliyah who is too young to understand, but when she becomes a woman will avoid that type of man...Walk with me next week.

Warchild A.K.A urmahs

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Blow Jobs

Yes, I said blow jobs.

I was very torn on whether or not to share my thoughts on the subject. I sincerely hope that the recipient of my blow jobs is not offended or upset that I'm about to share the game that I'm sharing.

I'm gonna do my best to keep it real (like always) so if this gets graphic forgive me. What if my mom reads this? I can't believe I'm about to talk about this...

Quantity AND Quality

First of all, let me start by saying DO IT!! Helloooo bitches! The Loaded Gun Theory?? Have you not been paying attention. Do it and do it often and well. This serves so many purposes.

Let me tell you ladies: If you're too stuck up to get down and dirty to please your man, there is a line of hoodrats that wraps around the block and they are all licking their heavily glossed lips at the chance to suck your man's dick.

I can already hear all the high fives and hallelujahs coming from the men right about now! But c'mon now it's true. If you don't want him going else where, you better keep the sperm build up to a minimum.

I suggest a minimum of 5 times a week. If this sounds like too much for you, then you're obviously not as devoted as you think you might be. Keep in mind, you can have 2-3 in one day. Three good ones will probably put his ass outta commission for the next few days anyway. But, if he can take it everyday...give it everyday. Don't stop until he says he can take no more.

There's so many opportunities. I promise if you just try a few you will fuck up his whole mental. Try waking him up this way. Try asking him to pull over somewhere or even just on the freeway. Or, if you know he's getting ready to go out somewhere, make sure you allow time while he's getting ready for him to "unload". You will sleep a helluva lot easier knowing that he's drunk in the club with all those hoochies in his face, but he's completely at ease because they can't offer him nothing he didn't already get before he left the house.

Okay, okay. I know this is NOT every body's favorite pastime. Some women are down right disgusted by it, and understandably so. It can be scary. Male genitalia is ugly and intimidating at times, but you have to find a way to be one with the penis.

First of all, if it's sweaty, or not hygienically Kosher...just say so. He's a GUY! It's not a sensitive issue the way it could be with a girl. I'm sure he doesn't give a fuck what it takes, as long as he still gets his BJ. He was probably just playing basketball or something earlier anyway. Make a joke about it or go get a damn wash cloth and clean him off yourself. He will learn that you ain't puttin no dirty dick in your mouth.

Another problem for some girls is gag reflex. Nobody ever said you have to be a sword swallower. Use more hands than mouth, one on top of the other, like you would a baseball bat. It is just as effective. Also, you will be able to give different sensations and pressures simultaneously, a plus for him. If you're not confident in your skills, that's all the more reason to practice.

What He Doesn't Know

...and maybe you don't either, is that it is NOT demeaning. He is not the damn king of the world because you have his dick in your mouth. In fact, it's completely the opposite. You have ALL the control. What is he gonna do? It puts him in an extremely vulnerable position. You can tell him whatever you want and ask whatever you want. No man in his right mind is going to disagree with sheeit when you have his boys in your hand.

As you get better and better you will realize this power even more because he will ask, maybe even beg for you to do that one thing. Knowing you can do something to him in a way no one else can is extremely empowering.

If you're still not convinced, or if you still have questions I would be happy to address the ladies on a one on one basis. I would love to write a step by step fellatio guide, but unfortunately skanks can read too and I'm not giving up anymore of my game or technique than I already have.