Friday, March 26, 2010


You like pussy right guys? And you wanna tell yourself that pussy likes you too, but let's be honest: Some of you are just unfuckable.

I've composed a list of losery qualities to help you become more fuckable. Avoid these things at all costs. Especially you douche bags that think you have it all together. Maybe you have a long term girl or you rely on parking lot pimpin after the club to get you laid, but that don't make you Casanova. Face it - you need the most help of all...

Don't Be Creepy.
Only approach women that you're catching that certain vibe from, because anyone else is grossed out by your advances.
Don't come off sleazy or overtly sexual, it's NOT sexy, I promise.
Don't use lame lines or "Where your man at?" as an ice breaker. Instead try just a simple "How you doin?" (NOT a Joey "how YOOOOUU doin"!!) or maybe a friendly compliment "Wow, you have pretty eyes, but you probably hear that all the time". Make your point without coming on too strong. Stalkers: you are in this category.

Don't Be Conceited
I can't stress this enough. If you're in love with yourself, then clearly you don't need our admiration. I don't wanna hear about all the celebrities you've met or how much money you make or how you killed a shark with your bare hands. And for GAWDSAKE!! DO NOT brag about your skills in the bed until I let you prove it! Be at least somewhat modest and humble about your good qualities. They will show all on their own.

Don't Be a Liar
Don't tell me you have one kid and you have three. Don't lie about your name or the fact that you still live with your mom, or your criminal record or marital status, etc. DON'T LIE!!!
I know it seems easy or like the smart thing to do, especially if you just wanna hit it, but I promise you...A) If I'm just boning you, I don't care and B)If you're just boning me and I'm starting to care, you need to drop me anyway because it's about to get messy.
A simple "none of your business" is 10 times better than a lie that comes to light later. Especially if you mess with a tellin' ass bitch and then piss her off. Not smart.

Don't Dress Like a Douche Bag
Ok, Ok, I know it's not a job interview, but if you look like a joke - you WILL be laughed at. Every woman, I'm sure, has certain things that just won't be tolerated. As you know, my thing is skinny jeans. If a dude wearing pants tighter than mine ever in his life tried to approach me, it would take my whole being not to crack on him until he cried.
Other items include mandals, gelmets, sunglasses in the club, too much jewelry, lines shaved in your eye brows or over arching, fauxhawks or brohawks, any form of man bag. I could go on for days.
There are very FEW exceptions, if your style is your style and you can put your own spin on it and rock it with confidence - then hey, be my guest.

Don't Name Your Dick
If you have a name for your member, that's best kept to yourself until we've reached a point that I think that's funny and not disturbing. In the beginning I don't wanna be introduced to your dick in the third person. It's weird.

Don't Be Cheap
This doesn't mean you have to be rich, or spend a lot of money. This just means, don't be a tight ass. It's fine if we do cheap or free activities together, no big deal. But you damn sure better offer to pay if there's money involved. Because if we continue to be together you best believe I will be spending money on you too. It's just not manly to be cheap. I can buy my own drinks and pay for my own shit, but what do I need a man around for that ain't gonna do nice things for me? Be more considerate than that. I don't care if you buy me a tall can and we sit in the car and just share each other's company. It's the act, not the price.

Don't Be a Flake
If you have something better to do than hang out with me, I could give two shits - but don't make plans with me and then flake out. Especially when nine times out of ten YOU called ME to kick it. Nothing says asshole like being super late or super flakey. Believe me, another man wants my time so if you don't - besta keep it pushin.

Don't Be Whiteboy Wasted
...even if you're a whiteboy. It's unattractive. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE to party, but nothing says bitch made like a man who can't handle his liquor or weed. If you're a light weight, watch it. I will clean your puke later on in the relationship if we make it that far, but I assure you we won't if you're staggering all over the place the first night.

Don't Piss on the Toilet Seat
If you wanna leave it up, fine, but don't make the asshole move and let me sit in piss. Or anything else disgusting involving your bodily functions. I have a friend who actually went to the restroom in a guys apartment only to find a chunk of poo on his toilet seat. She was then faced with the dilemma of calling him on it or cleaning it herself so he wouldn't think it was her. The fucken corker is that he was a plumber!!! Needless to say, that was the last time she saw him. Dan the plumber - if you're reading this, you're a nasty mahfucka and you oughta be ashamed of yourself!!

Don't Be an Asshole
If you treat wait staff or random people in public like shit. I'm gone. Don't say mean things to or about people until I know you well enough to determine whether that's your humor or you're just a dick.

Don't get me wrong, if you're cool with just bangin sluts and disrespecting yourself and the ladies that let you put it in 'em, you go right on ahead getting laid whatever way works for you. However, if you would like to increase the quality or quantity of your vagina usage, you're gonna need to take my advice.

Anything on the above list is just unacceptable.

Please feel free to leave your thoughts and comments. Ladies I know you're dying to elaborate on the subject. Fellas, feel free to add your two cents too.


  1. Please don't stick your hand out in front of me at a bar. Yes, I'll notice you, but I'll also want to kick you in the fayse. ESPECIALLY if i'm in the middle of an essay of a text message. Your hand in front of my phone will most likely get cut off. Also, don't try to grab my hand, it's just unsanitary.

  2. yeah also dont ask who and what im texting or try to read over my shoulder. SMH that is a big no no and turn off.

  3. i don't do anyof that an still get nothign so your theory is flawed

  4. A douche bag like u who thinks that of her self "Ms. Perfect" are the most unfuckable biatches in guyz dictionary... so just Fuk oFF !!!

  5. Oh My Gosh!! My first hate mail!! Im so excited. Apparently you think you know something about me personally and clearly dont like it... but your dumb ass took the time to read and comment on my blog so I guess youre a fan! Thanks for the hit to the site... tell all your friends about it!

  6. I think that hate-comment-guy just got defensive because he read something about himself in your unfuckable list ;D LOL

  7. Ashley , don't treat yourself like a queen when you are not ...that's what he wanted to say in other words. There are a lot of fake womens all around and they fake to be "untouchable" when they are real junk.
    I don't know anything about you but be real ! ;)

  8. i love rude comments!! keep em coming! :)

  9. I would like to say to the women that wrote this If you are a drink swilling pot head, you are unfuckable

  10. Just another girl with her own personal expectations! Some i agree with and some are for other guys who have the same view as you!

  11. Hey Ashley, I agree with everything you've written above. However when people give you their opinion; at least reply to what they say rather than ignoring them and saying "My first hate mail!! Im so excited" or "i love rude comments!! keep em coming! :)", otherwise you're coming across as inconsiderate, and personally I (and other guys, I'm sure) find it unattractive.

    Take care :)

    P.S. I'm a guy (if that wasn't inferred from the writing above), and I hope I'm not coming across as rude.

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